We've asked two people to become our child's godfather and godmother.
I don't know why I've been so hung up on the idea of godparents. I don't have any. I wasn't even baptized and my mom is an atheist so this idea doesn't fit into anything I've been raised with.
For some reason, it seems very important to me have someone else in my baby's life that she can go to when she has questions about life. And I fully understand that one of the main roles of a godparent is to introduce the concept of religion. I am prepared for that and I welcome it, too. We'd like to think we'll be the type of parents that our child can talk to about anything at any time, but we know that isn't going to happen. Neither Mark or I have any siblings close enough in age (Mark doesn't have any siblings) that can be someone our child can look up to and reach out to. We selected close friends that we feel can be a part of our child's life in that way.
We still haven't decided on legal guardians. Selecting legal guardians is a much heavier decision for everyone involved. We need to have legal guardians should something happen to us. I'm fairly certain when set about aquiring life insurance that we'll need to name two people as legal guardians and we'd like to get life insurance soon. A decision will need to be made; it's a tough decision. How do you go about selecting a guardian for your child? And as intense as it may be for us, it is equally so for whomever we select. They'll need to agree to allow our child to live with them, raise them, care for them as if our child were their own flesh and blood. We're discussing it, but we are also giving ourselves a year to think of someone that will meet our criteria and also be open to the idea.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I was telling her I hide alot on my blog. We each discussed whether we write for an audience or for ourselves; a topic that is not new, yet still interesting.
I don't write for myself anymore. I say this because if I did many of my posts would be about the same thing. And who wants to read, time and again, about my impending motherhood? About how scared I am and unsure of my abilities and all of that? Who wants to be thrown into the dust cloud of my uncertainty? But she encouraged me to write anyway so I will give it a try.
I haven't brought in any money into our household for a few weeks now. I thought I'd be used to this by now, but I am not any more adjusted to staying at home than I was on the first day. I honestly don't miss working in retail, but I do really miss massage. As I've said before, I enjoy it. I derive pleasure from working with my clients and learning about bodies, tissues, etc. I enjoy seeing the look on their face when they get off the table - a look that tells me that I may not have worked a miracle, but for sixty minutes I did make them feel better than when they first arrived. I'm slowly getting over this by remembering that I can go back to work after the baby is born. And the fact that the hardest job I will ever have is yet to come.
Secondly, I am depressed. I am sure the tone lately has made this an obvious fact. I'm not proud of this depression and I'm even a bit alarmed because I fear it will only lead to post-partum depression. At least I'm aware of the symptoms so I can discuss it with my OB. However, that doesn't make it any better that I really feel like all I do is sit at home and grow a baby. Of course, it's an important job and I'm in love with doing it, but on the other hand I feel overwhelmed at times by all of the preparation involved, too. I want to make sure the house is an acceptable place to bring a child to, but there is so much to be done. Once I clean one room I turn around and I swear it's cluttered again. I've made countless trips to various thrift stores and yet I return home to find more crap that we don't need or can't use staring me in the face. I wash two loads of laundry and the next day I need to do three more. This is somewhat amusing, because our apartment is tiny and cleaning it should not require time or energy. Partly, this frustration stems from stepping into the homes of my friends and realizing that they live in a place that I'd love to live in. They have matching furniture and hardwood floors. They have a dishwasher and a washer/dryer IN THEIR HOUSE! There is ample storage. They get to paint their walls whatever color they want to! Whine, whine, whine.
I hold onto the fact that we will have that some day. After all, we are working toward that every day. And then it hits me that I don't have it and I get frustrated and sit on the couch; the circle begins.
Why do I get caught up in the things that shouldn't matter as much as they seem to?
I don't know why I've been so hung up on the idea of godparents. I don't have any. I wasn't even baptized and my mom is an atheist so this idea doesn't fit into anything I've been raised with.
For some reason, it seems very important to me have someone else in my baby's life that she can go to when she has questions about life. And I fully understand that one of the main roles of a godparent is to introduce the concept of religion. I am prepared for that and I welcome it, too. We'd like to think we'll be the type of parents that our child can talk to about anything at any time, but we know that isn't going to happen. Neither Mark or I have any siblings close enough in age (Mark doesn't have any siblings) that can be someone our child can look up to and reach out to. We selected close friends that we feel can be a part of our child's life in that way.
We still haven't decided on legal guardians. Selecting legal guardians is a much heavier decision for everyone involved. We need to have legal guardians should something happen to us. I'm fairly certain when set about aquiring life insurance that we'll need to name two people as legal guardians and we'd like to get life insurance soon. A decision will need to be made; it's a tough decision. How do you go about selecting a guardian for your child? And as intense as it may be for us, it is equally so for whomever we select. They'll need to agree to allow our child to live with them, raise them, care for them as if our child were their own flesh and blood. We're discussing it, but we are also giving ourselves a year to think of someone that will meet our criteria and also be open to the idea.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and I was telling her I hide alot on my blog. We each discussed whether we write for an audience or for ourselves; a topic that is not new, yet still interesting.
I don't write for myself anymore. I say this because if I did many of my posts would be about the same thing. And who wants to read, time and again, about my impending motherhood? About how scared I am and unsure of my abilities and all of that? Who wants to be thrown into the dust cloud of my uncertainty? But she encouraged me to write anyway so I will give it a try.
I haven't brought in any money into our household for a few weeks now. I thought I'd be used to this by now, but I am not any more adjusted to staying at home than I was on the first day. I honestly don't miss working in retail, but I do really miss massage. As I've said before, I enjoy it. I derive pleasure from working with my clients and learning about bodies, tissues, etc. I enjoy seeing the look on their face when they get off the table - a look that tells me that I may not have worked a miracle, but for sixty minutes I did make them feel better than when they first arrived. I'm slowly getting over this by remembering that I can go back to work after the baby is born. And the fact that the hardest job I will ever have is yet to come.
Secondly, I am depressed. I am sure the tone lately has made this an obvious fact. I'm not proud of this depression and I'm even a bit alarmed because I fear it will only lead to post-partum depression. At least I'm aware of the symptoms so I can discuss it with my OB. However, that doesn't make it any better that I really feel like all I do is sit at home and grow a baby. Of course, it's an important job and I'm in love with doing it, but on the other hand I feel overwhelmed at times by all of the preparation involved, too. I want to make sure the house is an acceptable place to bring a child to, but there is so much to be done. Once I clean one room I turn around and I swear it's cluttered again. I've made countless trips to various thrift stores and yet I return home to find more crap that we don't need or can't use staring me in the face. I wash two loads of laundry and the next day I need to do three more. This is somewhat amusing, because our apartment is tiny and cleaning it should not require time or energy. Partly, this frustration stems from stepping into the homes of my friends and realizing that they live in a place that I'd love to live in. They have matching furniture and hardwood floors. They have a dishwasher and a washer/dryer IN THEIR HOUSE! There is ample storage. They get to paint their walls whatever color they want to! Whine, whine, whine.
I hold onto the fact that we will have that some day. After all, we are working toward that every day. And then it hits me that I don't have it and I get frustrated and sit on the couch; the circle begins.
Why do I get caught up in the things that shouldn't matter as much as they seem to?
posted by Swiftyjess at 12:18 PM
3 Comments:
You get caught up in things that "shouldn't matter" because somehow, on some level, they relate back to things that matter -- questions of value and meaning -- and the fact that you're thinking about how you think about those things means you don't take them for granted. It shows you're engaged, and that you care about your daughter and your husband and what it means to provide....
I'm finding this "preparing for the baby" stage pretty hard emotionally. I go from feeling like I'm doing too much and potentially jinxing things...to thinking that I have way too much left to do and I'll never, ever get things ready in time. It really messes with my head. I mean, *is* there a "right time" to assemble the crib and wash baby clothes?
Anonymous (YPB)
ASide from the obvious reasons, I think our emotions are in flux, because there IS no right time to do these things. I mean if every mom-to-be put the crib together by week 34 then we'd probably do it too. I know friends of mine that have packed the hospital bag already. I've thought about doing it very seriously, but it seems a bit preemptive to do it now - with 4 weeks left.
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