I'm about to start something here, but that's what happens when I have an entire day to think about being a mom, or other mom-related stuff.
I just discovered how competitive parenting can be.
When I was first pregnant, I noticed that pregnant women were very curious about each other always asking questions about nursery colors and name choices all of those things. I realize now that curiousity is only phase one of the parenthood competition. (Phase two seems to be the baby shower. Good grief, the event that is the shower!)
We (I) field many questions about her night time sleeping habits ("Does she sleep through the night? No? Oh, mine does") or whether we cloth diaper ("Studies show cloth diapering is better for the environment"), if I'll become a stay at home mom ("MY husband got a promotion so I can stay home with le bebe), the use of pacifiers bad say some, necessary say others) or the effects of Crying It Out (do it, don't do it), how long was my labor, how long did I wait for the epidural...You get the picture.
A spinoff of this seems to be a thing called "mommy blogging", or, "mom bloggers". There is a website, Club Mom, that features such mommy bloggers. And if you read their blogs each one loves to state that they are just a regular person blogging away about becoming a mom. Only they are paid to do it. In two of the blogs I read each author states that they have no idea what they are doing when it comes to parenthood, yet oddly, they each try to outdo the other and write the most witty post or the most emotionally moving. I'm losing track of my point here (yes, I promise there is one). What I really want to say is that this whole undercurrent of competition over who can be the best mom, or the most creative, or whatever, is really prevalent. It makes it hard for me to admit that it isn't what everyone says it should be. I want to run in the other direction when I read how tra la la it is for these moms. I wnat to yell and scream and inform them that not all of us have jogging strollers or a special playroom for our wee one.
And then I want to inform them that my daughter, sweet Sydney, is more beautiful than their baby.
I just discovered how competitive parenting can be.
When I was first pregnant, I noticed that pregnant women were very curious about each other always asking questions about nursery colors and name choices all of those things. I realize now that curiousity is only phase one of the parenthood competition. (Phase two seems to be the baby shower. Good grief, the event that is the shower!)
We (I) field many questions about her night time sleeping habits ("Does she sleep through the night? No? Oh, mine does") or whether we cloth diaper ("Studies show cloth diapering is better for the environment"), if I'll become a stay at home mom ("MY husband got a promotion so I can stay home with le bebe), the use of pacifiers bad say some, necessary say others) or the effects of Crying It Out (do it, don't do it), how long was my labor, how long did I wait for the epidural...You get the picture.
A spinoff of this seems to be a thing called "mommy blogging", or, "mom bloggers". There is a website, Club Mom, that features such mommy bloggers. And if you read their blogs each one loves to state that they are just a regular person blogging away about becoming a mom. Only they are paid to do it. In two of the blogs I read each author states that they have no idea what they are doing when it comes to parenthood, yet oddly, they each try to outdo the other and write the most witty post or the most emotionally moving. I'm losing track of my point here (yes, I promise there is one). What I really want to say is that this whole undercurrent of competition over who can be the best mom, or the most creative, or whatever, is really prevalent. It makes it hard for me to admit that it isn't what everyone says it should be. I want to run in the other direction when I read how tra la la it is for these moms. I wnat to yell and scream and inform them that not all of us have jogging strollers or a special playroom for our wee one.
And then I want to inform them that my daughter, sweet Sydney, is more beautiful than their baby.
posted by Swiftyjess at 1:46 PM
3 Comments:
I totally see it too. Everyone today has to have the smartest, cutest, best baby in the whole wide world! And let everyone know about it.
It all started with the "baby on board" signs people started flying back in the 80's. Then it was "my child is an honor student at X". The entire baby boomer generation has staked their reputation on how much better their families are than other peoples', and it's brought competition into family life. Remember, these were the hippies ('dude, I'm SO much cooler than you are') then the yuppies ('man, I am SO much richer than you are') before becoming the parents. It's a very competitive generation and they've engendered it to family life.
Ultimately, I feel kids are the ones caught in the middle - they are aware of the competition and often victims of it. Many kids keep adult like schedules (school by 8 am, out at 3, off to soccer practice til 5, piano til 7, dinner til 7:30, homework til 9, then bed) and it's mainly to appease the parents. It's defined the entire millenial generation, being the absolute center of their parents' universe, and now these kids are trying to go out in the world to find out that not everyone cares for them like that.
IMO (as a prospective but not yet parent) the measure of parenthood should be between you and your family - are you raising a well-adjusted, happy child? Do they love you and respect others? Are you spending time with them and teaching them the essentials of life while letting them explore their independance? Not every child can or will be the best, smartest, or most beautiful - but what you can teach them is to be the best person they can be the best way you can. And that is all anyone can ask.
Alex,
Our whole society is very competetive in general so I should not have been so surprised. I guess I thought that parents as a group, would be there for each other. Yet, to help each other out one must first ask questions a la Spanish Inquisition. Bah.
I aplologize for the poorly written post. Even after I edited, it remains poorly written. What can I say? I'm tired.
In my experience, most of the moms trying to compete (because you know there's always the one who starts it) it tryingto prove something to herself. Like she knows there is something wrong, but "I bet another kid is worse" type thing. I have a friend who is always "updating" me on her son - I never take the bait. Just smile and nod and move on.
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