I'm going to be vulnerable here, which is something my friend Chet would be proud of me for trying.
Maybe it's the cold and rainy weather or the fact that I waited 45 minutes for a bus or that within that 45 minutes two people blew smoke directly into my face as they asked me the time and then proceeded to call me names when I told them I'd tell them the time if they stopped blowing smoke in my face. In any case, today was another day of feeling totally ill-prepared for all of the changes that are taking place in my life. I am opening myself up to comments and opinions about how we asked for this so what did we expect, but I'm telling you. THOSE comments don't help me. I already think that thought elevety frillion times a day.
Feeling this edgy, unsure feeling reminds me of when I was planning my wedding and details such as whether or not to buy monogrammed cocktail napkins for the reception began to take over my life. As the date approached, I realized the point was to start my married life with a wedding, not to freak out because the color of the invite ink isn't the same exact color of the bridesmaid dresses*. In my case, I'm wondering how on this earth I'm going to have room for a baby. Will he/she be able to breastfeed? Will people want to come over and see the baby? Will it be warm enough? Will Mark help with the midnight changes and feedings? And how will it feel to become a stay-at-home mom? Should I be upset because we couldn't afford to decorate the nursery the way we want to (or really, if we can even afford to move so that our child can have a nursery). And why, when M and I discussed these things and had a plan that we are still only on step one?
While these thoughts flow in and out of my mind I try very hard to be happy about my growing baby - I love that I seem to be showing the "little tomato". On my break from work I go to Children's Place for a peek at all of the cute outfits. I think about how M and I are even closer now. All of these things give me comfort for a little while. I hope feeling sad and edgy is only the pregnancy hormones.
*The ink-and-bridesmaid-dresses example never happened to me. Working in the crafty place that I do though, I run into this about 65 times a day. Or what's worse, is trying to help a bride that wants the impossible - like a rubber stamp of a certain beachscape in Maui.
Maybe it's the cold and rainy weather or the fact that I waited 45 minutes for a bus or that within that 45 minutes two people blew smoke directly into my face as they asked me the time and then proceeded to call me names when I told them I'd tell them the time if they stopped blowing smoke in my face. In any case, today was another day of feeling totally ill-prepared for all of the changes that are taking place in my life. I am opening myself up to comments and opinions about how we asked for this so what did we expect, but I'm telling you. THOSE comments don't help me. I already think that thought elevety frillion times a day.
Feeling this edgy, unsure feeling reminds me of when I was planning my wedding and details such as whether or not to buy monogrammed cocktail napkins for the reception began to take over my life. As the date approached, I realized the point was to start my married life with a wedding, not to freak out because the color of the invite ink isn't the same exact color of the bridesmaid dresses*. In my case, I'm wondering how on this earth I'm going to have room for a baby. Will he/she be able to breastfeed? Will people want to come over and see the baby? Will it be warm enough? Will Mark help with the midnight changes and feedings? And how will it feel to become a stay-at-home mom? Should I be upset because we couldn't afford to decorate the nursery the way we want to (or really, if we can even afford to move so that our child can have a nursery). And why, when M and I discussed these things and had a plan that we are still only on step one?
While these thoughts flow in and out of my mind I try very hard to be happy about my growing baby - I love that I seem to be showing the "little tomato". On my break from work I go to Children's Place for a peek at all of the cute outfits. I think about how M and I are even closer now. All of these things give me comfort for a little while. I hope feeling sad and edgy is only the pregnancy hormones.
*The ink-and-bridesmaid-dresses example never happened to me. Working in the crafty place that I do though, I run into this about 65 times a day. Or what's worse, is trying to help a bride that wants the impossible - like a rubber stamp of a certain beachscape in Maui.
posted by Swiftyjess at 7:37 PM
2 Comments:
Just remember, once the baby arrives your life will never be the same, but it will have never been better. And within 24 hours you'll hardly remember a time without your baby in your arms. It's scarey and it's drastic, but it's wonderful and amazing.
Hannah,
Thank You! These are great reminders...
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